Marg asked me today if I was unsatisfied with my current life situation. At times I have been, and it feels like it has occurred more often these last few months. I guess I am questioning my life more intently at the present, moving deeper in to the Landmark distinctions, and reading through ‘the power of now’ with (and at the moment without) the book club.
Every now and then I get lost, I blame the world, and especially my husband and the flaws that I see in him for what I have and for what I don’t have. Whilst I am in that state I am so busy blaming that I am unable to see clearly that the power is always mine to change my situation at any giving time. I forget that I am not my emotions. The fear and the anger and the resentment takes over, and the impact on me and my family is huge. We yell instead of talk, we stop communicating and we blame. Love is not present.
I am just reaching the part in ‘the power of now’ about relationships, and I find it very fitting that I am going through these spaces at the same time. The essence of what I have read so far is, that ‘being in love’ arises when we have our wants and needs met by another human being, when we forget that the source of all contentment is within us, and not some external thing or being. We must as far as possible be at peace with our selves, and the relationships around us will work out, some will cease in harmony others will live on and become stronger.
I am also finding some great practical help in ‘the dance of anger’ audio books that Kim introduced me to (and have shared these with a couple of friends who have found them helpful too). I have a mutual baby-sitting arrangement with a friend, and when there was lack of communication from her husband recently I was able to for the first time really to address the issue from my point of view. That I had a problem, that the current situation did not suit me, i did not blame, but asked that clearer communication would be put in place, and that I was clear the situation was not my friends fault, and that I did not want to take it ‘out on her’. I feel the communication was received well, and am proud for having communicated my boundaries.
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